In a Fishbone Church Read online

  VICTORIA UNIVERSITY PRESS

  Victoria University of Wellington

  PO Box 600 Wellington

  http://www.victoria.ac.nz/vup

  Copyright © Catherine Chidgey 1998

  First published 1998

  Reprinted 1998 (twice), 1999, 2001, 2011

  This book is copyright. Apart from

  any fair dealing for the purpose of private study,

  research, criticism or review, as permitted under the

  Copyright Act, no part may be reproduced by any

  process without the permission of

  the publishers

  National Library of New Zealand Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

  Chidgey, Catherine, 1970-

  In a fishbone church / Catherine Chidgey.

  First published: 1998.

  ISBN 978-0-86473-688-8

  I. Title.

  NZ823.2—dc 22

  Published with the assistance of a grant from

  Ebook production 2011 by meBooks

  Acknowledgements

  I am indebted to Pat, Helen and Les Chidgey, who all provided me with invaluable information and support while I was writing this book. Bill Manhire and Damien Wilkins offered the guidance and encouragement necessary both to finish and start it. I am grateful to Fergus Barrowman and Rachel Lawson at Victoria University Press, to Kate Camp, to Joe Chidgey for his advice on fossils, and to Sydney Chidgey, whose diaries were such a wonderful resource. Special thanks to Virginia Fenton for her patient suggestions, and for letting me steal her magpies.

  For Dad.

  The

  distribution

  of stones

  Gene copes well; everyone says so.

  ‘He’s being very brave,’ says Carnelian. ‘He hasn’t shed a tear.’

  Beryl says, ‘He was the same when Mum died.’

  At the funeral Gene delivers a eulogy which can only be described as thorough.

  ‘My father used to joke that he never got any older,’ he says, ‘because whenever anyone asked him his age he could always give the same answer.’ The bowels have been acting up something shocking, Gene. Old age is a terrible thing. ‘“I’m as old as the century,” he always said.’ A few of the mourners laugh. Gene is pleased. ‘Only a few days ago, at the age of 85, he was out doing one of the things he enjoyed most: hunting for fossils. He had an incredible energy.’ Can’t a man listen to the cricket in peace? ‘My father was a hard worker. I remember he would arrive at the shop early so he could get the window display perfect.’ Chops all overlapping the same amount, sausages evenly looped, parsley sprigs in straight rows. ‘And he was never home before seven o’clock at night.’ The virgin newspaper unfolded and presented, run and get him his slippers, Gene, the chilled bottle of beer, pour it down the side of the glass, boy, tilt it, tilt it. ‘He was a serious man, honest. A strong social conscience.’ You’re going to be a builder like the Palmer boy. The country needs houses, not bludging university students. Gene looks out at the silent faces lining the pews, all waiting for him to make them feel better. ‘When Beryl and Rob took over the shop, and Dad retired,’ promise me you won’t let that idiot ruin the shop, ‘he was delighted. He’d always hoped the family business would continue to thrive,’ he’s done away with the sawdust floors, the fool, ‘even though Etta and I had by that time shifted to the North Island.’ Your father won’t come with me. He says he’s never left the South Island and he’s not going to start now.

  Beryl’s husband Rob is preserving the occasion on video. He was at school with Gene, although they were never friends. Rob has, in Gene’s opinion, more money than brains, and he can’t help feeling tremendously satisfied when his brother-in-law stumbles over the corner of the altar step.

  ‘Dad was a doting husband,’ says Gene, ‘always looking out for Mum and buying her treats.’ The birthday disappointments. The anniversary thank-yous. A wringer. Super. Thanks, love. ‘My father was a generous man, and during the Depression and the war he often helped out his customers and his friends. A few chops here, some mincemeat there. I know many of you present today will remember his favours.’ Sylvia Liddle was in again today when you were at lunch. Asking for you. Just tell him I called in, Mrs Stilton, she said.

  Rob moves in for a close-up. Gene watches him for a moment.

  ‘Dad made a lot of friends through his rockhunting, and more than a few significant discoveries.’ Dad, look at this, look what I found! ‘Over the years he gained a reputation as something of an expert on local Canterbury fossils, and several articles about his finds appeared in the papers.’ It’s nothing, Gene. Probably a dud. Leave it. ‘We were all very proud of him.’ But I found that one. It’s mine.

  There is a general clearing of throats and shifting in seats as Gene steps down. He acknowledges a few people he recognises, and some he does not.

  His sisters nod at him, wiping their eyes.

  ‘Lovely,’ Beryl whispers.

  ‘Christ,’ mutters Gene. Rob is crouching and scuttling round the coffin. ‘If he gets any closer he’ll be in there with him.’

  ‘Yea though, I-hi walk, i-hin death’s, dark vale,’ Etta sings. She nudges Gene, and holds the words in front of him.

  ‘And i-hin God’s house, for e-hevermore, my dwe-helling place, shall be.’

  Rob hovers over the flowers on the casket – red carnations and roses.

  ‘He always liked red,’ sniffs Carnelian.

  ‘I’ll say he was generous,’ says Cyril Palmer at the reception, nudging Gene’s forearm. Beer slops on to the carpet. ‘He provided free sausages for more than one cash-strapped housewife, didn’t he? The old devil. Ha!’

  Beryl eyes them coldly as she pushes past with a tray of club sandwiches. Rob noses in like a giant insect, video camera still attached to his face.

  ‘Chickadee,’ he says to Beryl – he always calls her that in public and, some fear, in private – you offer Gene a sandwich. Gene, you take a couple.’

  ‘For God’s sake put that thing away,’ says Carnelian. ‘Nobody will want to watch it.’

  ‘Now Gene,’ says Beryl, after the guests have gone and the glasses have been rinsed and the leftover food packed away, ‘you’ll be taking the diaries of course. Dad did want you to have them.’

  Gene remembers his assurances to Clifford that he would look after them.

  ‘Perhaps Carnelian would like them,’ he suggests.

  She would not.

  Nobody knows what to do with them. Clifford’s clothes have been sorted into boxes and rubbish bags for the Salvation Army and for the tip, his lawnmower has been given away, his car advertised, his kitchen things divided among the flatting grandchildren. Even his collection of fossils and rocks and shells, and of jewellery made from his own polished stones, has been distributed. The diaries, however, have been piled on to the window seat in his lounge. Every afternoon the sun warps their covers, makes them swell.

  ‘Take them,’ says Beryl. ‘I’ve got enough to look after. I have to sell the house, remember.’

  Gene does remember; he doubts he’ll be allowed to forget.

  ‘I could stay a bit longer, perhaps,’ he murmurs. ‘Show people the car.’

  Beryl snorts. ‘Just take the diaries. Carnelian and I’ll do the rest.’

  ‘Yes,’ says Gene, rubbing a cool agate pebble between his thumb and finger. ‘The thing is, I don’t know that they’ll fit in the suitcase. We’ve already got so much – ’

  ‘Gene. I now have a house full of rocks. So does Carnelian. I don’t care if you take them back to Wellington or not, just get them out of the way. I have to sell the house, remember.’

  Gene keeps the agate pebble in his pocket for the rest of the time in Christchurch. H
e hasn’t taken many pieces from his father’s collection; his wife Etta says they have enough at home already, and that she’s the one who has to dust them, after all. The girls are not interested either. Dad, says Christina, if we want stones and shells we can go to the beach. And Bridget says all those petrified crabs and bones and things give her the creeps. So Gene takes a chunk of Brazilian crystal, a shoebox full of polished stones, and two pairs of cufflinks made of greenstone and obsidian, which he will never wear. He also takes a fossilised groper’s head, because it has been labelled with his own name in Clifford’s gaunt handwriting, and cannot be disregarded. And he agrees – says Beryl – to take the diaries. She reminds him of this on his last day in Christchurch.

  ‘Here,’ she says, thrusting some supermarket bags at him and watching while he squeezes the diaries into the flimsy plastic.

  ‘If you ever want to have a look at them, let me know,’ says Gene as he and Etta and the girls are leaving to catch their flight.

  ‘Ha!’ says Beryl. ‘Pulse rates and cricket scores and bowel motions?’

  At the airport Gene carries the bags on as hand luggage. The plastic handles cut into his fingers as he climbs the metal steps to the plane.

  ‘Don’t look down, girls,’ Etta is saying, her collar pulled out of shape by a bulging amethyst brooch. Gene glances at the bags of diaries banging against his shin and sees below his feet, through the grid spaces, the shimmering tarmac. He wants to drop the bags then, watch the diaries slip through the slot at the back of the step and fall, pages fluttering, the bags puffed out in the breeze and rising translucent white. Floating away from his fingers like escaped balloons. But then he is showing his boarding pass to the smiling combed hostess who smells of makeup and has a silk scarf knotted smoothly around her shoulders, and she is saying, ‘Towards the back, on the right, sir,’ and he and Etta and Bridget and Christina are squeezing down the aisle to their seats.

  ‘Here,’ says Etta, motioning for the bags after she and the girls have stuffed their own things into the storage compartments. She folds and rearranges, trying to make room for the diaries, which, being hand luggage (as Christina points out), have to be stored under the seat in front of you, or in the overhead compartments.

  ‘Let’s just put them under the seat,’ says Gene, but Etta says no, no, and with one almighty shove manages to shut the flap.

  Gene feels uneasy all the way home. The plane keeps hitting small pockets of turbulence, and, each time, Etta glances over at his pallid face and pats his hand and says we’re nearly there, not much further now. But it isn’t the flight, as Etta suspects, nor is it suppressed grief (Bridget), nor is it the plastic-wrapped cracker with cheese which Gene mechanically consumes (Christina). What is troubling him is the thought that the overhead compartment, so tightly packed, might at any moment spring open, showering on his head pages and pages riddled with his father’s black ink.

  When they are back in Wellington, Gene puts the diaries away in the hall cupboard, which everyone still calls the toy cupboard, though it is a long time since any toys have been kept in it. As he opens the door a can of baked beans falls out and lands on his foot, causing him to drop the diaries and hop the entire length of the fake Persian rug.

  Bridget has made several important discoveries recently. For instance, she knows – through careful Bible study and regular Youth Group attendance – that the Antichrist will soon gain political power, and may in fact already be in office. She knows that most television programmes are evil, and she also knows that Armageddon will be conducted in the form of a nuclear war which will end the world, destroying most of the earth’s population. She has started removing non-perishable grocery items from the pantry and storing them away in the toy cupboard. The rest of the family appear to be ignoring her preparations, and it is obvious to Bridget that, even despite Etta’s regular church attendance, they do not belong to the chosen few who will be saved.

  ‘We are living in the Endtimes,’ her Youth Group leader Craig says at the Saturday meeting. ‘It is not enough to simply surrender your whole being to Jesus. You must show others your commitment, through your actions.’ He looks down at his hands, then begins to speak so quietly the Group all have to lean forward in their wooden chairs to hear him. Craig waits for the collective squeaking to settle, then continues. ‘Last year, when I decided that Jesus was the one constant in my life and that I wanted to rid myself of all the evils that were standing between me and him, I realised I had to give up most of my record collection. I listened to them all, one by one, and none of the songs, none of them, fitted into a Christian way of thinking. So I took them to school the next day and began giving them away.’

  A murmur moves through the Group. Bridget grips the splintered edges of her chair.

  ‘But then,’ says Craig, ‘I realised I wasn’t solving anything. I was just passing that harmful material on to other people. Like a disease. So I took back all the records I had given away, and took them all out of their covers, and smashed them. I broke them over my knees, jumped on them, whacked them against the wall, in front of everyone else in the courtyard. They all just stared at me like I’d gone insane. Some of them, guys I’d given records to at first, got quite angry. They thought I was doing it to make them look stupid. So I told them. I said I was breaking records for Jesus.’

  The Group laughs; a few people clap. Craig grins and gazes at each one of them in turn. When his pale eyes rest on Bridget, she can imagine how he must have looked that day in the Saint Bernard’s courtyard, shards of broken music flying around him.

  ‘It’s a true story,’ he says, ‘and you can do it too. God’s love is real; it’s there for you if you want it.’ He stands up and moves to the centre of the circle. ‘Now,’ he says, extending his arms, ‘I want you to experience the power of God’s love for yourselves. Some of you, I know, are going through a lot at the moment. Rosemary, your Dad’s left home. Bridget’s grandfather has just passed away. Michael’s failed his driving test.’ Craig’s voice rises. ‘But I want you to realise that you’re not alone, even during the bad times. Especially then.’ He extends his arms to the Group. ‘I want you to find a space on the carpet, and lie down. I want you to shut your eyes and be very calm within yourselves. And then,’ he says, lying down himself, ‘I want you to imagine a wooden cross.’

  The room is very still; even Jeremy Ward cooperates. Bridget opens her eyes for a fraction of a second. Craig is right beside her, so close she can see the tiny balls of fluff which have formed on his jersey.

  ‘Now,’ he says, ‘imagine a friend, someone you are very close to, being dragged on to the cross.’

  This is where Bridget starts having a bit of trouble. She can’t come up with anyone she is close to. Not even a relative. Especially not a relative.

  ‘Nails are being driven through your friend’s hands and feet,’ says Craig. ‘The pain is extreme.’

  Someone – probably Jeremy Ward – lets out a fart. A giggle ripples round the bodies stretched out on the carpet.

  ‘The cross,’ Craig says quickly, ‘is now being raised up. Your friend is in agony, but does not complain. He – or she – is doing this for you.’

  Bridget opens her eyes again and looks around the church meeting room. Jeremy is on his side, doing his best to press up against Rosemary Stokes, who doesn’t seem to mind.

  ‘That is how much God loves you,’ says Craig. ‘That is how much Jesus loves you. He suffered that pain so that you can live forever.’

  Bridget gazes at him. She observes the rise and fall of his chest, the way his eyelashes rest against his cheeks. When she closes her eyes again, there is Craig hanging on her cross, fully clothed but beautiful.

  ‘Okay,’ he says after a few minutes, ‘let’s get back into our circle.’

  The members of the Group stand up and stretch. Jeremy Ward rearranges himself.

  ‘Bridget,’ says Craig, nudging her with his toe, ‘Bridget. Time to get up.’

  Gene is sitting on the
toilet when he first hears the voice. Although it isn’t a voice, strictly, but a cough – hollow-sounding, regular, polite. And persistent. He can’t make out any words.

  The houses are built very close here, he thinks, and drops a wad of paper down the toilet.

  That night in bed, the coughing starts again, louder this time. Gene gets up to check whether the window is open, but it’s not. He thinks he spots something moving in the garden, but when he snaps the bedroom light on all he can see is his own reflection in the glass.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ mumbles Etta, raising herself up on one elbow.

  Gene says, ‘Nothing, go back to sleep,’ and climbs into bed again himself.

  He hardly has the blankets pulled up to his chin and his eyes closed, though, before a violent cough right beside his ear jolts him wide awake. It goes on for a few seconds: five, maybe six short loud blasts like bullets.

  This time he doesn’t turn the light on. He just lies very still and stares at the ceiling. As he slowly exhales, the voice starts.

  Across the low flat river coming up from my boots clever and will go a long neck and six hankies and still his own business in time pall bearer for the flu boy

  Gene has to strain to hear what the voice is saying, and even then he appears to be missing a lot. It seems familiar, though. Not the voice itself, but the words, or perhaps just the inflection, contain something he recognises. He waits for it to continue, but all he hears is Etta’s even breathing and the slow contracting of the house.

  The next morning Gene can no longer remember exactly what he heard, but an uneasiness remains with him all day, like the residue of an anxious dream. He doesn’t mention it to Etta, although she remarks that he seemed restless during the night. He doesn’t want her to worry, although why there might be anything to worry about he cannot say. It’s just the tiredness after the funeral, he decides, and all the accompanying duties: fielding sympathetic phone-callers and visitors, refilling the vases of flowers with water (it’s amazing how much they drink, Etta says almost every day), remembering to remember who sent which bouquet or baked which fruit cake.